Go Fact Yourself.

And here. We. Go.

I don't know about you dear reader(s), but I remember 'diet-Ben Affleck' up there from a ridiculous Saturday morning kids show called 'High School Were-teen' or some bollocks. Anyway, although his chin seems to be as superlative as ever, he does appear to have changed a bit. Judging by his demeanor, his car salesman character went to the world renowned Patrick Bateman Business School.

You're a fucking ugly bitch. I want to stab you to death,

and then play around with your blood. Air Con and electric

windows? You got it!

When he's not leering creepily at a woman who looks like she'd rather chew her own feet off than be seen in a 206, he's getting the basics of the French language wrong. I'll leave it to a random poster on YouTube to express what we're all thinking -

Paul 668 (1 day ago)

'We have noir.' That's French for black you daft cunt!! They cost 10k, why the fuck would I give you 12.5k?? Yadda Yadda!'

Thanks Paul. It's a shame Peugeot don't make 'em like they used to. That's to say, well.

Fuck You, Pot Noodle...

Seriously, what happened to Pot Noodle ads? They used to be brilliant, embracing the inherent grubbiness of the boil-in-the-pot snack. Ads like this and this were funny and fairly brave by TV standards. Even the Welsh Pot Noodle miner series was a bit of fun (I'm allowed to say that because I'm Welsh).

But now? We get this bullshit.

Yeah. I get the idea. Spoof a music genre with some ordinary 'blokey' blokes. Except, with spoof the key is to have a decent stab at the style and quality of what you're referencing to highlight the absurdity you're injecting. Not so here - the 'rap' has the sort of rhymes you'd expect from a 5 year old kid writing a poem in school. "Hmm, what rhymes with men? Ben, den, when, zen... pen? Yeah, that'll do. Fuck it, a sausage with a pen, people will find that hilarious."

No they won't. You fuck-end.

The only bit that actually works here is utilised the least, and that's the send up of the Beyonce video. It actually looks the part, but in reality it's just using one of comedy's lowest common denominators - a fat guy in a leotard.

Incidentally, the fat guy in question makes me so angry with his smug "obviously" I'm now going to bash my forehead against the key board.

dsfghusiudfhi//.ufewiufweuifio svosd'[vouhvIHSV8SVB DEISnoiv oideosidejmfguwbefjqbjdv []\e\;fcpl

Ouch.

Her name was Roberta Paulson...

And I'm back.

Well, that was teeth shatteringly annoying.

Ya know, at first I was expecting some sort of Fight Club homage (Pepsi Max are good at that), with the Bargain Basement Supremes tribute act being the collective Brad Pitt to our heroine's Edward Norton. That, inevitably, turned out to be a stupid idea, although I reckon it would have benefited hugely from blondie shooting herself in the face, killing off her sequined alter ego(s) and herself so that this advert never has to shit on my retinas ever again.

Unfortunately, the reality of the ad is much sadder than an on-screen suicide. Blondie is so chuffed to win 20 measly, stinking pence that you have to wonder what the fuck is going on. Think about it - shimmery imaginary friends, softly lit room, talking to herself - blondie is clearly a mental case, and we're being invited into her addled, drug-filtered mind where she retreats away from the horror of day to day life. That all important 20p? Just another contribution to her smack fund.

If you think about it like that, it's actually the most effective anti-gambling advert ever. Possibly.

Ahem.

I haven't posted anything in a while. That is mostly down to the affliction known as laziness, and also because downloading vids to subsequently upload them here has nearly bust through my download limit. But mostly, laziness.

Anyway, have a gander through this rather excellent blog for your bad-adverts fix while you wait for my next pancreas-bursting-ly good post:

Photoshop Disasters

And by you, I mean whoever stumbles upon this post. I'm not fooling myself that I have an actual 'audience'. Honest.