The best place to start...

Where better to kick off proceedings than with this - proof if ever it was needed that the coming apocalypse is imminent.

One second, I need to vomit. 

Now, I'm sorry to kick things off with this day-glo hell-zone, but the tone had to be set. Apparently, in the world of (the aptly named) Toolstation, everything is just fucking awful. When employees and customers aren't dancing moronically like cockney wide-boy characters (circa 1830) then, well... ToolStation is closed. Don't be fooled by their flashy, plastic smiles - these people are almost certainly dead inside. And possibly outside - which would explain their complicit, zombie-like willingness to shame themselves, their children and their friends' children's children in this stomach-churning, bile-enducing festival of horseshit.

Why? Why are they so happy?

As if the vaguely offensive working class builder stereotypes weren't bad enough (along with the 12 year old emo-fringed guy pictured above) the song is based on the Hokey Cokey, a tune that couldn't even be described as 'good', 'fun' or 'in any way worth allowing into your ear canal' when it was in fashion.

All I can suggest is that you visit a rival tool-renting company (if such a place exists) and borrow a few screwdrivers. Next time this ad spews its way on to your screen, drive them into your eyeballs and ears respectively, lest you have to watch or hear these gurning morons feign excitement over drill-bits and hard hats ever again.