In the latest chapter of Activia’s war on 'bloatedness' we find has-been celebrity and former page-three slapper, Nell McAndrew, indulging in the fantasy of having her own chat-show:
Today’s first guest on ‘Nell’ is Emma from London, who I’m sure is cottoning on to the fact that Nell’s career on TV is pretty much restricted to her own mind, although has sportingly agreed to play along.
Emma - like most people who have anything to do with Activia - is feeling a tad bloated and strangely is happy for that information to be bombarded into the average consumer’s minds. Just think if you will about how it feels to be bloated. Now think of Emma struggling with that feeling, clutching her stomach and pulling a grimacing face, breathing out slugglishly… GO ON, IMAGINE IT!
Luckily for our collective mental sanity Emma has found a solution in Activia, as it is ‘scientifically proven’ to cure the oh-so scientific malady that is bloatedness. Activia contains the miracle science of Bifidus ActiRegularis, you see. Of course, that means nothing; it’s just a selection of words which sound vaguely scientific, but it has the word ‘regular’ in it, which could mean it makes you regular? If it’s ‘scientifically proven’ I suppose we should just do what they say. After all why would science lie to us?
After all that rhetoric, Emma feels a lot ‘easier in herself’ - although doesn’t say specifically that the bloatedness has gone - so all hail the scientific bamboozlement which is Bifidus ActiRegularis. In fact so miraculous is the change she feels a fool, for not having tried it before. You hear that everyone? Danone’s calling us all fools unless we try their magic vanilla flavoured goo. We better do what they say, as they have science to hand and to question science would be stupid. And we don’t want to be stupid now do we?
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